


Fill Me Up

by TheSmallTownGirl



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: But He Really Likes Baz, F/M, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Oblivious Simon Snow, Pining Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Roommates, Simon Thinks He Likes Penny, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Is Gay for Simon Snow, Watford (Simon Snow), Watford Fifth Year, friends first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:13:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24314845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSmallTownGirl/pseuds/TheSmallTownGirl
Summary: Simon and Baz started as friends. Simon thinks he might like Penny, and despite Baz being hopelessly in love with him, friends help friends with these kinds of things. But is Penny really the one Simon likes?
Relationships: Penelope Bunce & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 8
Kudos: 78





	Fill Me Up

***Baz’s POV***

****Simon Snow is going to be the death of me. He’s been the death of me - for bloody _years_ \- but it’s taken a new and exciting turn, now. ( _Exciting_ is the wrong word. More like… a turn that will likely cause me emotional turmoil and existential dread for the rest of my bloody life.) We’ve been friends; like brothers since first year. The only _setback_ to the whole living-with-my-best-friend arrangement is that I am _hopelessly_ gone for the git. It doesn’t help that I'm always the one to help him with homework. (A wreck, he is.) _I’m_ the one that sat with him when he thought he fancied Wellbelove. _I’m_ the one that has to fucking sit on my bed and try not to watch him change every Merlin-forsaken morning. (I fail. Every morning.)

And _now_ I’m sitting here listening to the bloke I love say he thinks he likes Bunce. _Bunce_. Our third musketeer since about second year. I’m not sure how he found her, but I’m quite sure I didn’t like it at first. It was just Simon and I for so long and then she showed up. However I _thought_ I wouldn’t have to worry about Simon falling for her since she’s got that American bloke in the states. (Well she _did_. They broke up a few months ago.) But he’s on my bed now ( _Crowley_ is he on my bed) whinging like an ankle-biter. I can only sit here and listen. (I _wish_ I knew how to be done with Simon Snow. But it’s better than nothing.)

“S’like this; I always thought she was just Penny. Y’know? She’s just always been there to help and shit. But now I’m thinking about what if all this time I’ve- fuck, I _dunno_. _Liked_ her?” He’s running his hands through his (magnificent) hair and he’s flopped face first into my pillow. (It’s going to smell like him when I sleep tonight. I can’t tell if the universe is trying to reward me or kill me. Perhaps both.)

“Snow-”

“Bazzy you _know_ I hate Snow-”

“And you know I hate _Bazzy_.”

“C’mon _Basil_ , just call me Si-”

“I hate you-”

“You love me-” _Yes I do._ This is how most of our conversations go in the beginning. I give it up after he says I love him. Because what argument could I possibly have for that?

“ _Anyway_.So. You think you like Bunce?”

“Yes. Maybe I always have?”

“That might be rubbish. Just because you know someone for a long time doesn’t mean you’re going to fall in love with them, Snow.” He rolls his perfectly (extra)ordinary eyes at me.

“‘Kay but you don’t _know_ tha-”

“Well you haven’t fallen in love with _me_ , so _actually_ -”

“That’s because I’m not into blokes, mate.” He lets out a laugh then (albeit a nervous

one) and I can only laugh with him. Laugh at myself. Because what else is there to do when you’re in love with your grossly heterosexual best mate? “So will you help me?”

“Help you what?” I don’t like where this is going.

“ _Merlin_ Baz for someone so posh and clever, you can be right thick sometimes. Help me _get with Penny_. Just to. Y’know.” He shrugs. (He’s made of shrugs. That and fire. _So much fire in one person_.) I want to say no. _Crowley_ I want to scream _NO_ and run away, leaving fire in my wake with every step. I’d like to shout it from the rooftops and then be eaten inside out (by Snow, in my fantasies) by my very own fire, leaving nothing but ash. Like flash paper. Then I want Snow to mourn me and never take a lover out of respect for the dead. But perhaps that’s a bit dramatic.

And since I'm in love with him, and I’m not feeling _particularly_ suicidal at the moment, I say “Yes,” and know instantly I’ll regret it when he swings his arms around me. (He’s so bloody warm and I’m so bloody cold and I think perhaps I’ll let _his_ fire consume me.)

“Thank you Bazzybooooo!” He whispers in my ear. If I were standing, my knees would be sure to buckle. “So we need a plan.” He pulls back but keeps his hands on me, which is both the worst and best thing I’ve felt in my miserable existence.

“I’ll talk to Bunce privately and get a feel for if she might like you in… that way. Then if I think she might, you can just talk to her about it.”

“That’s not much of a plot…” He grumbles, looking away from me. I can’t help but raise my eyebrow at him. (Back in third year he tried so hard to prove I was plotting something, even if he _was_ my best mate. The only thing I was plotting was how to figure out my feelings for him. And then destroy them. Obviously I’m not much of a plotter.)  
“But it’ll _work_ , Snow. Chomsky knows _you_ couldn’t come up with something better.” For a second I think I’ve hurt his feelings but then he looks up and me and flashes me that smile of his. ( _Fuck_ me.)

…

I’d like to know what in Morgana’s name got me to the point where I was having ‘girl talk’ with Bunce. And then I’d like to tackle it and tell it to give me my money back. Because I’m sitting across her in the library (our favorite place to catch up when Snow has dulled our intellect for too long) and asking her about the love of my life. To see if she has feelings for him. ( _Fuck me_ , I say again.)

“So… Bunce.” She’s smiley today. I don’t know why.

“Yes, Basil?” Her leg is jumping furiously under the table and I know she’s a ball of pent up energy. _Good_ energy.

“Well I was wondering if we could talk, one friend to another?” She gasps as if she got a new puppy for Christmas. I can’t deal with all this happiness.

“Did you just- you _did_! You called me your _friend_! Aw, Baz I love you too!” Her grin is almost as blinding as Simon’s, which is quite a feat.

“Okay whatever, Bunce. I was just _wondering_ …” I take a deep breath in, preparing for the inevitable heartbreak I’ll feel when she says she likes him, too. Because who _wouldn’t_? He’s… he’s _perfect._ “What you thought of Simon.”

Her eyes blink at me. Once. Twice. Three times. Then she cocks her head to the side. “Simon? I love him- you and him are my best mates!” I’m about to interrupt her and say that’s not what I meant when she continues on. (Headstrong, she is. Always has been.) “So anyway Baz, I have news! I wanted to tell you first because y’know- _boy talk_.” (Bunce has it in her head that we have the same _type._ She’s the only one that knows I’m gay other than Dev, Niall and my family.) “I met a bloke. He’s from Omaha- I met him over the Summer when I was visiting Micah and we’ve started talking more.”

“Well that’s goo-”

“I don’t want you thinking I need a boy to be happy- I _don’t_ Baz. I’m plenty happy on my own. But… he makes me _happier_. His name is Shepard; people in the states have such weird names. Anywho- _Crowley_ he asked me to be his girlfriend yesterday! Isn’t that lovely?” I find myself nodding and smiling along. (I tell myself it’s because she’s happy. And it partly is. Only I think it’s mostly because that means she _doesn’t_ like Simon. I’m taking this as a selfish win.)

We talk for a long while about life. About our classes, her bloke in the states and if I’ve got my eyes on anyone. I tell her maybe, but she doesn’t pry. She’s good that way.

Then I’m on my way back to Mummers to deliver the happy news.

***Simon’s POV***

****When Baz walks in the room, I spring up. (It’s almost just a habit at this point. I see Baz, I go to him. Like a magnet, almost. Friends’re weird like that, I s’pose.) “Well?” I ask, walking over to him. He looks _happy_ , which makes me think maybe Penny _does_ like me back, which makes my gut twist.

He shakes his head. “I’m sorry Snow- she’s met someone else. In the states. Name’s Shepard. But; she’s _happy_. I’m… sorry.” He doesn’t look sorry. He looks _superior_ , like he nearly always does when I’m wrong about something. He’s my best mate, but he can be a ruddy git sometimes.

“Right, well. Bit disappointing, that. But- are you _sure_ , mate?” Something in me can’t believe it. Penny _has_ to like me back. I don’t know what it is about being with someone, but I think it helps me feel a little less… _empty_. (Ironic considering I never stop bursting.) First it was Aggie, but then I realized it wasn’t those types of feelings, even if she did help my loneliness. Now it’s Pen, but they’re _different_ feelings than they were for Agatha, so I think maybe _these_ ones are romantic. And maybe if we get together; well, maybe _then_ I’d feel a bit less empty inside. The only one that helps with the loneliness sometimes is Baz. But I don’t like him like that, and he doesn’t like _me_ like that. I frown, and Baz shifts on his feet. (I’ve always worn my heart on my bloody sleeve.)

“Don’t be so tetchy, Snow. I know it’s disappointing, but I’m _sure_. She seems quite arse over tit for this bloke. Sorry, mate.” He _still_ doesn’t look sorry about it, and I can feel my magic rising up to my skin, slowly but surely. I cock my head to the side and set my jaw.

“You _could_ be lying to me. You always _have_ been kind of a barmy git, yeah?” He rolls his eyes and it riles me up just the same as it would if he decked me.

He grits his teeth and smiles. Anyone else would think he’s trying to stay polite, but I know him better than to think that. He’s a condescending little prick. (I dunno what’s gotten into me- he usually never pisses me off so much.) “ _Come off it_ , Snow. She doesn’t _like_ you like that. _Get over it_. It’s just _too bad_ , innit?” I’m going to deck him. I’ve never wanted to, and I _would_ if not for the Anathema. There _has_ to be a reason he told me she doesn’t fancy me. She _does_ , I just know it. She… _has_ too. I need to not feel so lonely all the time and she’s my last chance.

“You don’t have to be such a fucking _prick_ , Baz,” I can barely hear him gasp. I don’t often call him _Baz_ , but the name _Bazzy_ feels wrong on my tongue right now. “I _know_ you’re lying to me. But _why_?”

He scoffs and raises an infuriatingly perfect eyebrow. “I’m _not-_ ”

“Maybe _you_ like Penny?” Oh. What if he likes Penny. I hadn’t thought about it before, but… it would make sense, yeah? Something in my chest restricts and it’s hard to breathe. _He likes Penny._

“I can assure you, I _don’t_ fancy a snog with _Bunce_.” (Thank _Crowley_.)

“Well then _why_ , Baz? What, you fancy _me_ , is that it?” I said it to be sarcastic, but when he doesn’t answer for a moment, I regret it ever passing my lips.

It’s a few seconds before he crosses his arms over his chest and falls back on his bed. “Much like _Bunce_ , Snow; how could I _ever_ fancy _you_?” I try not to let it show how much his words _physically_ hurt me. Not because I fancy him or anything (I fancy _Penny_ , I remind myself), but because he seems appalled at the very _notion_ of liking me. It shouldn’t hurt. But it does. It hurts a bloody _lot_.

I huff and will myself not to explode. (Whether with magic or sobs, I’m not sure.) “Well maybe I’ll just go ask her myself!” I yell at him. (We’ve never fought like this before. But we’re so different… p’raps it was only a matter of time.)

I turn on my heel and storm out of the room. Just as I’m closing the door, I hear him yell behind me, “On your head be it!” And then I’m running across campus to the library, wiping the tears away before I give them a chance to fall.

***Penny’s POV***

****Simon’s just run in, quite obviously in a strop, spilling magic all around him. I almost think he’s been crying, but there are no tear streaks and I think maybe it’s just a trick of the light. “Si? Are you okay?” I pull out a chair for him to sit in next to me and he plops down hurriedly, brushing off my question.

“Fine. But Pen I have a question to ask you.” Crowley, I don’t think he’s _ever_ made this much eye contact with me in the years I’ve known him.

“Alright then, what is it, Simon?” I _was_ texting Shepard, but he’ll understand why I had to leave so suddenly. (He’s curious like that- _understanding_ , the way Micah never was.)

“D’you- um,” He runs a hand through his treacherously mussed curls. “Do you like me?” I furrow my eyebrows at him.

“Simon, of _course_ I like you. You’re my best mate! Weird, Baz asked me the same thing.”

He mutters something that sounds like “So he _did_ ask”, but then shakes his head and continues on. “I mean… d’you _fancy_ me, Pen? Because, well. I think I fancy you.” I can’t help but burst out laughing, but then I realize I’m being right _rude_ to the oblivious git and smack my hand against my mouth to stop. Oh, poor, clueless Simon. He hangs his head down.

“Right, um.” I giggle a bit. “A bit awkward, this. Si, you _know_ I love you,” I grab his hand. (SO CLUELESS, he is!) “But there are a _few_ reasons neither of us actually fancy each other, babes.” He snaps his head up. For some reason, I _do_ think he _thought_ he fancied me. Poor baby. What an utter disaster.

“But Penny, I _do_ fa-” I hold up a hand to stop him.

“No you don’t. First of all, I _do_ have a boyfriend, Si. I was going to tell you about him tonight at dinner. I’m _happy_.” He frowns further. (I think he might be lonely- that might be part of the reason for his current existential crisis.) “ _Second_ of all, Simon. You don’t fancy me like that. You fancy someone else.” He looks quite lost now. _Crowley_ I need to get with Baz again soon. Simon is doing a bloody number on my intellect as of now.

“No I don’t-”

“Think about it. Who do you talk about _all the time_? Who’s your best mate, besides me? Who do you complain about being _perfect_ all the time? Si, I know it’s hard… but who do you _really_ have feelings for?” He’s crying now; for real this time. I know it’s so hard for him to be without someone, but if he wouldn’t have been so thick half the time, he would’ve seen the one person that’s _never_ let him be _truly_ alone.

He collapses into my arms, and I can’t do anything but rub circles on his back. “But he…” Simon sniffles. Merlin will I have a story for Shep later. “He said he could _never_ fancy me. Not even twenty minutes ago!” (I suppose they can _both_ be daft sometimes.)

“I think you know that isn’t true, Si. Now,” I pull him up by his shoulders and make him look at me. (He’s _such_ a bloody mess.) “Go get your bloke.” I offer him a small comforting smile as he nods and gets up from his chair and storms out of the library. I get out my mobile almost immediately.

***Baz’s POV***

****Simon storms in the way he stormed out twenty five minutes ago. Completely flushed and hurried. I suppose Bunce told him she didn’t _fancy_ him that way. I would be comforting, but I can’t find it in me to even address him. That is, until the tit is standing right over me, his presence ever daunting.

“You’re a prick.” He starts. What a lovely way to begin a conversation with your best mate. (Only Simon Snow.) “You’re a plotting prick that is hardly ever sympathetic. I hate how perfect and posh and fucking _fit_ you are. You piss me off half the time, and the other half sometimes I can barely tolerate you. But…” I’m forced to look at his face, now. _But_. _But_ is good. “ _All_ the time, you’ve _never_ let me be lonely. You’ve always been with me, and I don’t think I’ve ever known what _real_ emptiness is because of _you_. But I still feel partially empty… a lot of the bloody time. And, well. I think it’s because I need you to be there for me; but in a _different_ way.”

I stand now, so that I’ve got those three inches on him. He blinks his (extra)ordinary blue eyes at me and I can’t help but take a step closer to him. “And _what_ way, exactly, would that be, Snow?”

He smirks at me. (As well as _he_ can, anyway.) Just as I think I might wipe that insufferable look on his face away with a kiss, he does something I wouldn't have expected in a million years. _He_ kisses _me_. He’s soft and warm and so purely _Simon_ that I can’t move for a moment. Then, by the time I’ve started working back with him, he pulls away.

“Bazzy you _know_ I hate _Snow_ -” He says it softly and I can’t help but smile back at him as he does to me.

“And _you_ know I hate _Bazzy_.”

“C’mon _Basil_ , just call me Si-” He’s talking so close to me that his lips catch on mine.

“I hate you-”

He pauses, then breathes out, “You love me-”

I don’t hesitate to say “Yes I do.”

We snog a long while after that.

***Simon’s POV***

****I used to feel lonely. _Empty_. Turns out it was only Baz I was missing. And Crowley, was I missing him for _so long_. But I have him, now. And kiss by kiss, he’s filling up every part of me I once thought empty forever. 


End file.
